Your ATTN Please | Thursday, 11 September

“You too, can have a perfectly sculpted body just like me!

All you have to do is quit your job, abandon your family, and follow my 6-week plan that tells you exactly how to eat/sleep/work out/breathe 24/7. And if you’re not willing to do that, well I guess you don’t want it that bad!” It’s the message we see on our feeds day in and day out. And it’s so easy to fall into the trap, thinking the lifestyle they’re selling is attainable. In reality, they’re in the business of looking hot. And comparing ourselves to someone whose full-time job is to be fit is never going to end well.

- Charlotte Ellis, Editor ♡

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WHAT’S HAPPENING IN MARKETING TODAY?

Patreon courts Substack writers, Erewhon enters NY market & Wikipedia just gets better with age

Patreon tries to lure over Substack writers by offering payouts.

As the platform prepares for long-awaited upgrades to its newsletter functionality and new suite of tools, Patreon is also, apparently, offering financial incentives to lure popular creators over from rivals like Substack. This is not surprising, considering the platform has majorly fallen behind in its category, with valuation dropping a whole 70% between 2021 and 2024.

I guess if you’re struggling with attracting new talent/ retention, you have to pay for it?? While all signs point to crisis, I hope the effort works out for Patreon. Because it’s a pretty cool corner of the internet, in my opinion. Time will tell.

Erewhon just got wankier.

I know, I didn’t think it was possible either. But alas, the cult LA grocery chain is opening up its first Manhattan location, serving tonics and smoothies in a private members complex later this year. The pretentious development is backed by Midtown Equities LLC. This is the same firm that took full control of Soho Housein the Meatpacking District in 2015 and launched the private members’ club Casa Cipriani in lower Manhattan in 2021. At least we can all sleep at night knowing New York's elite are getting their nutrients in – for $20 a pop.

Wikipedia stands the test of time while the rest of the internet collapses.

According to Josh Dzieza, “it’s basically the only place on the internet that doesn’t function as a confirmation bias machine.” By that, he means that strangers on the internet disagreeing (with dizzying pettiness) through deliberation and debate, actually build a common ground of consensus.

“One of the things I really love about Wikipedia is it forces you to have measured, emotionless conversations with people you disagree with in the name of trying to construct the accurate narrative.”

And like, I’ve never really thought about it like that. Wikipedia is the largest compendium of human knowledge ever assembled. Despite being mocked for its reliability, it is quite literally the digital world's factual foundation. This titan. This absolute archive of all things important is put together by the very people who seek answers. By us. And as the rest of the internet totally degrades as an information resource, Wiki stays strong. Like an old redwood. Never faltering in the winds of time.

-Sophie Randell, Writer

Hey, do you like YAP?

If so, why not share it with a friend? The more we grow this thing, the more resources we can put into making it awesome for you. Even if every subscriber invites just 1 person to YAP, we’ll meet our growth goal for 2025. So, you in?

DEEP DIVE

The lie behind today's wellness economy

Is it just me, or does scrolling any app at the moment feel like you’re being personally attacked by abs?

Some bronzed, lean woman shoving cottage cheese into a wrap, whispering about calorie deficits like it’s sacred scripture.

Some guy inhaling three dozen eggs and steak off a chopping board as though the recession doesn’t exist and cholesterol is a love language.

The new public sphere isn’t newsfeeds—it’s torsos.

Before I rant, LISTEN TO ME. Prioritising protein works. Lifting heavy works. Aggressive deficits work. I’ve been at it myself long enough to watch the weekly changes happen. But here’s the scam within these truths: the time, money, and ruthless commitment it takes to actually look like these people online is a full-time freaking job.

You try hitting 10k steps, smashing PRs, keeping your house clean, advancing your career, guzzling 3L of water, and sleeping eight hours a night without collapsing into dust. Meanwhile, these influencers’ literal job is to stay hot and sell hotness back to you, like you’re one shaker bottle away from a jawline (as if.)

This is what makes today’s wellness economy different from the old-school “stay active, eat your greens” vibe.

Influencers don’t just have bodies and use them; they monetise them. Their abs are content assets. Their glutes are sales funnels. Their routines are optimised not for health, but for parasocial scalability. It’s no longer about being fit enough to carry groceries without wheezing. It’s about being fit enough to turn your body into an ongoing brand partnership.

We’ve seen versions of this before. The aerobics craze of the 80s. The Atkins diet in the 2000s. The kale-and-yoga era of early Instagram.

But what makes this era uniquely feral is the always-on monetisation. It’s OnlyFans logic applied to wellness: give me intimacy, give me access, and then sell me the tools to replicate it, protein powder, coaching plans, “what I eat in a day” PDFs. Bodies as subscription services.

The fact that it’s marketed as accessible... well, that is the entire trap, darling.

“Anyone can do it in six weeks.” Yeah, with unlimited recovery time, brand deals paying for supplements, maybe even a coach, a chef, or just the sheer privilege of not needing to wedge their workout between a Teams call and the washing machine.

For the rest of us, trying to mirror this lifestyle is like cosplaying as a pro athlete while living as a civilian. No wait, that’s literally what it is. And that’s my whole point—taking care of yourself isn’t toxic. In fact, prioritising fitness, sleep, nutrition, these are some of the few grounding, life-improving habits I’ve found in a world that wants us all chronically exhausted.

The problem isn’t wellness. The problem is how wellness has been weaponised into content, and content into commerce.

When your hotness becomes a product, the message you sell is never “be stronger” or “feel good.” It’s “you are always one step behind.” Not lean enough, not disciplined enough, not hydrated enough.

Every meal becomes an ad, every workout a sales pitch, every selfie a reminder that you, too, could be this person if only you bought in. And me? I want to throw my phone as far as the eye can see while primal screaming at the top of my lungs…

But that’s the tale as old as time, how capitalism desire turns into homework.

The end result means scrolling feels like being barked at by a wall of torsos. Fitness doesn’t look joyful, it looks exhausting, There’s nothing sexy about watching someone eat chicken breast and rice under a ring light. It’s capitalism, turning your desire into more work. Tracking, counting, measuring, disciplining.

And the irony is the more “disciplined” and “accessible” it’s marketed, the less accessible it actually becomes. Because while you’re trying to hit your macros, your steps, your sleep quota, and your water intake, life is still happening; work deadlines, family drama, laundry piles the size of Vesuvius, the basic chaos of just fkn being alive.

Maybe the only sane stance is to recognise the split.

Yes, care for your body. Yes, eat protein, lift heavy, drink water, walk outside. But also, know that the online bodies shouting at you are running a full-time operation to monetise their physiques. You don’t have to turn your life into unpaid overtime just to cosplay their aesthetics. Hotness has become a hustle. And hustles always demand more from you than they give back.

The culture may keep selling us abs as aspiration, but let’s not confuse that with health. Because real wellness, the kind that lets you get through your day without crashing, the kind that keeps you strong into old age, isn’t sexy, it’s sustainable.

And probably doesn’t require a ring light.

-Sophie Randell, Writer

TREND PLUG

Oh yeah, they went there

You can insult me, but I have my limits!

That's the vibe of today's trend, which comes from a scene of Dance Moms where Abby and Christi are arguing. The conversation goes:

Christi: You did a good job getting rid of Kelly!
Abby: [maniacal laugh]
Christi: At least I don't lie to the police...
Abby: How dare you!

It's perfect for when, at first, they pushed you but you held it together (and maybe were even slightly amused). But then they went too far, and you just can't believe the audacity. For example:

• When I'm reading reviews of my restaurant and they complain about the host

• When insulting me doesn't work so they insult my dog

• When I can dish it out but I can't take it

How you can jump on this trend:

Think of a situation where someone tried to get under your skin and, at first, it didn't work. But then, they really doubled down and ultimately succeeded. Lipsync to Abby's parts of this sound and use OST to describe what has sent you over the edge.

A few ideas to get you started:

• When they don't invite me to lunch then they go to my fave spot

• When they reject my pitch and then dare to hate on my font choice, too

• When I'm reading Google reviews of my store and they complain about the decor

- Charlotte Ellis, Editor ♡

FOR THE GROUP CHAT

😲WTF: iPhone 17: All New Features
❤How wholesome: W Speed
😊Soooo satisfying: Magnet Stacking
🍝What you should make for dinner tonight: Mushroom and Potatoes

ASK THE EDITOR

I've started creating content for my financial coaching business but I'm not getting much engagement. What should I do? - Clint

Hey Clint!

First of all, I'd encourage you to spend some time on social media, paying attention to what stops your scroll. Analyse the hooks that grab you, then think about how you can use those as inspiration for your own content.

Second, think about how relatable your content is. I know you're targeting a specific audience. But if you want to grow your following, your content can't be too niche. So if you find your content isn't accessible to the average person, ask yourself how you can speak to a broader audience.

Lastly, you need to make more content. Posting more often will not only make you more visible on the platform. It will also give you more data, which will help you improve your content faster.

- Charlotte Ellis, Editor ♡

Not going viral yet?

We get it. Creating content that does numbers is harder than it looks. But doing those big numbers is the fastest way to grow your brand. So if you’re tired of throwing sh*t at the wall and seeing what sticks, you’re in luck. Because making our clients go viral is kinda what we do every single day.

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