Why vertical soap operas are all over your feed right now

Is that a soap opera in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

What am I even saying. Of course you’re happy to see me. You are subscribed after all x

Anyway. I’m writing about a phenomenon that’s absolutely blowing my mind – it’s like if Love Island had a baby with Euphoria and gave it an iPhone tripod. The era of the vertical soap opera is upon us, and I can’t say I ever expected it. But now that it’s here, I couldn’t have seen it going any other way.

Recently, my explore page kept feeding me the same couple arguing in soft lighting.

And, for just a MILLISECOND (I swear), it had me invested in the innerworkings of their tangled relationship, even though I had no idea who tf they were.

This is content engineering at its finest.

30 second melodramas built for your thumbs. Filmed in portrait mode, written with the emotional pacing of a car crash, and starring people who are either actors, influencers, or both (idk it’s hard to tell).

Act I: How did we get here?

Gone are the days of Days of Our Lives, where you’d tune in at 7pm, someone would slap someone else, the credits would roll. Cliffhanger achieved. Now you have to wait a week to see what happens.

Then reality TV came along and said, what if we just skip the acting? Just throw real people into a villa and watch their emotional lives crumble in 4K.

Now, social media has said: “ok but what if we condense all that into ONE MINUTE.”

No sets, no script, no emotional recovery period. Just a perpetual cycle of drama, apology videos, and eye contact so intense it could melt steel (the kind that makes you second handedly awkward.)

Act II: The love language of the algorithm.

Of course, the algorithm loves this stuff. This is like algorithmic crack.

Conflict = watch time. Tears = engagement. Ambiguity = follow for more.

The perfect viral formula. Whoever’s cooking these up is like the short form Heisenberg.

Then there’s Dana and the Wolf, which is a whole other kettle of fish. This is a real life couple-slash-band who turned their polyamorous relationship into an ongoing miniseries. One clip they’re performing, the next they’re fighting, the next they’re kissing, then they’re kissing other people, and you’re like… wait, is this promo or propaganda? Lol.

Act III: Emotional microdosing 101

Dana and the Wolf is the one series that continues to plague my explore page and is the emotional equivalent of microdosing. Every 10 seconds somehow delivers a hit - lust, betrayal, reconciliation, before you can even decide how you feel about it.

But I will NOT be seduced by it. If I can actively avoid every season of Love Island despite the obnoxious hype train, I WILL avoid… whatever you want to call this.

The most interesting part about this for me is that social media has trained us to crave the feeling of story without the burden of plot. We don’t really need backstory or world-building. We just need the instant gratification of emotional proximity and the ability to jump in and out as we please.

And like… that’s kind of genius.

These clips hijack the same part of the brain that once got hooked on soap operas, reality TV, and messy Facebook relationship updates circa 2011. Except now, it’s portable, optimised, and never freaking ending. Which keeps the audience trapped in the hamster wheel of plotless drama.

Act IV: The parasocial trap.

It would appear that this very hamster wheel also has audiences participating. One look at the comments section tells you all you need to know. Chiming in like close friends, analysing like therapists, arguing over moral compasses.

This is, of course, all manufactured. Chaos is the whole point. Dana and the Wolf even describe their content as “art imitating life imitating content,” which is either genius, or the end of civilisation. Possibly both.

Because this isn’t just about them… it’s about all of us, and how we’ve come to prefer our emotions in short, consumable bursts. We want intensity without investment and drama without duration (thank you dating apps).

Act VI: The grand finale (for now)

It’s kind of crazy that this works. And it’s only getting better, really.

The acting, the cinematography, even the dialogue sounds real, because it is, or at least, it used to be. We’re witnessing the birth of a new format of entertainment, one where attention is the currency, intimacy is the product, and authenticity is the bait.

Soon, you probably won’t be able to tell what’s scripted. Or worse: you won’t care.

I’m not sure anymore.

But if you catch me watching Dana and the Wolf “Season 3 finale” like it's Succession, please throw my phone into the sea. 

-Sophie Randell, Writer